i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
