I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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