If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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