these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
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