She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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