Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
