hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
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