Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
