Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
