I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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