I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
