A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Rumble strips road head = magical
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
