i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
