Betty ford says i'm here all night
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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