420 ftw
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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