He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
