i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
