Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
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2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
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My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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