Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
