just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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