why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I believe in your delicious
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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