Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
This baby is an asshole
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize
