**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
