Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
