Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
