Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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