One girl and one boy is just not enough.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
