It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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