I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
