We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
