I've blown a few things in my day
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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