I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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