Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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