he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
