idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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