my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
