Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
