atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
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There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
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I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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