i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
