Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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