i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
