I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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