Me too!
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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