that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
