if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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