i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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