I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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