I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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