im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I checked into jail on foursquare
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
