I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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