At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
