Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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