highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
