So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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