I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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