the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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