I heard we made out
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
