remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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