How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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