He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
