a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
