I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
