I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Moan for me like Helen Keller
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
