Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
