Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
