You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm sobbing to NWA
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
