I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
